February 2018.
I woke up in normal state. Head pounding. Ready to nurse my hangover. It had become routine. What was strange was where I was. The hospital. Confused, I look around and see my aunt walk into the room. What is she doing here? What am I doing here? And in a wave, I have a memory of the night before.
It’s 7pm. I’m chugging green apple vodka (yes, it is as gross as it sounds) and trying to forget my shitty week. A blacked out encounter with a boy. I take another swig. An all nighter for a test I presumably failed. Another swig. Rejected from the business frat I wanted. Another swig. I’ve been drinking since noon. Jack and coke, a bottle of wine, and now shitty vodka. I feel like a bona fide alcoholic. Freshman year was not what it cracked up to be. I’m at a school of over 20,000 undergraduates, but I feel more isolated than ever.
I thought about killing myself so many times. Sometimes very seriously. But I never had the guts to do it, so I supposed this meant I was not suicidal. It wasn’t until I was blacked out with no inhibitions that I acted on these thoughts. I woke up in the hospital because I tried to jump in front of a car. But in my drunken state, my closest college companion was able to grab me before anything happened.
I’m writing this today because in an age of social media, selfies, and “likes” it is so easy to feel alone. It is ironic that having hundreds to thousands of virtual friends can cause you to feel out of place. Sure, we all know that everyone puts up their best side on the internet— that’s fact. But knowing this doesn’t make you feel less insecure, less pretty, or less smart. Social media has made narcissism the norm, and empathy an anomaly. College isn’t easy. I’m here to remind you that you are not alone.
Truly,
College Kid
College Kid 